Reaction to Chauvin Verdict
News that the Derek Chauvin verdict would come today around 3:30 p.m. bombarded me from all sides. Texts from friends, Facebook posts, private messages, and even a few phone calls inundated me most of the day. I braced myself and vowed not to look for the results until an hour after the designated time.
An avid gardener, In May 2020 my first reaction to George Floyd’s murder was to do something tangible to honor a man who met such a dishonorable death. So I created a space in our garden which I initially called the George Floyd Memorial. I painted a pallet in the red black and green colors of the Black Liberation Flag and surrounded it with flowers that day. Like many, I mourned his death shaking my head in horror, sadness, and anger that such inhumanity could be visited upon any human being.
Today, I now call that part of the garden the George Floyd Meditation Garden. It’s a peaceful corner of the yard with an assortment of flowers, the liberation flag pallet I’d painted almost a year ago, a Black Lives Matter banner, and three comfortable chaise lounges in case, post-pandemic, friends can join me there. It’s a lovely spot conducive to reverie and reverence.
By happenstance, I found myself in the Meditation Garden today, at precisely the time the Chauvin verdict was to be read. I was there purely by accident, not by choice. It never occurred to me to choose the spot because of the trial and impending verdict rather because it was cool today and that was the warmest, sunniest spot I could find to sit to read a book on my iPad.
Lost in my reading, I completely forgot about the trial, police brutality, systemic racism or any other trauma Black/African Americans face daily. I was in the zone doing what I love best—-reading and letting the melody of the written word enrapture me and permeate my mind.
At a chapter break, I glanced at my watch—-4:30 had crept up on me, and my stomach churned. This was the time I’d promised myself I’d check the headlines for the trial’s outcome. Here I sat in my George Floyd Meditation Garden, bracing myself for inevitable bad news. Here I sat in a space dedicated to calm, peace, and reflection, yet, now it was invaded by dread and forewarning.
Click, click, click, I tapped the iPad keys to the CNN book mark, all the while sure disappointment lay within the screen. To my utter surprise and relief, the CNN headline shouted in huge, bold caps—-CHAUVIN GUILTY.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my doubt and misgivings that a jury would hand down such a verdict. I’d hoped otherwise, but doubt won the day. Today, it is fitting that I’m sitting in my George Floyd Meditation Garden writing these words—-capturing my emotions and reaction to the historic day and verdict. At one level, justice has been served, and I am glad I was wrong about the jury. At another level, there is still creeping doubt that unless future cases of police brutality are as starkly clear as in the Chauvin case, Black/African Americans will still face victimization at the hands of police who will be vindicated.
For now, I’m consoled as I sit in the garden entertaining a sense of relief that one aspect of this American horror story is over. There will be appeals, legal maneuverings and trials of the other officers involved, but for now, the most egregious perpetrator has been convicted. What happens next is yet to unfold, but perhaps, today marks a slight crack in America’s unwillingness to hold police accountable for heinous acts. Perhaps, for a little while, I can sit in the garden and meditate on pleasure not pain, beauty not wretchedness, and healing rather than death.
